Random things

[Hazelstar]

Well, I'm using this thread to keep some of my writing. You can do the same if you like.

[Hazelstar]

This is a script of House M.D, I'm writing this because it's one of my favourite episodes.

House M.D
Season 1 episode 21
Three stories

House: He isn't sick.

Cuddy: Dr. Riley is throwing up, he obviously can't lecture.

House: You witnessed the spew, or you just have his word for it? I think I'm coming down with a little bit of the clap. I may have to stay home for a few days.

Cuddy: (laughing) Dr. Riley doesn't have a history of lying to me.

House: You said this is the fifth time he's missed a class this year! Either he's lying or he's dying.

Cuddy: I'll give you two hours off clinic duty.

House: Fine, I'll have Cameron do it. She loves inspiring the inspired.

[House starts to walk off]

Cuddy: You'll do it.

[House turns around]

House: Why is it always me?

Cuddy: Because the world hates you. Or because it's a class on diagnostics. Pick whatever reason feeds your narcissism better.

House: I'm not doing it.

[House leaves, stops at the door, and walks back in]

House: You're supposed to stop me. Renegotiate.

Cuddy: Hmm, and you were supposed to keep walking, sorry, I guess we both screwed up. Go on, do it again.

House: I'll do the lecture for fore hours off clinic.

Cuddy: Two. I know you rather spend time listening to yourself than listening to patients. Class starts in 20 minutes.

[House leaves into the lobby of the clinic]

Nurse: Dr. House, there's a patient.

House: I'm outta here, take it up with Cuddly.

A voice: Greg.

House: Hi Stacy.

Stacy: How're you doing?

House: How am I doing? Well, the last five years have been like...you ever seen those "Girls Gone Wild" videos?

Stacy: Your life's been like that, or your life's been spent watching them.

[They both kinda smile]

Stacy: I have missed you.

House: Is that why you're here?

[Stacy shakes her head]

Stacy: I need your help.

[She hands him the film, he lips over to the clinic to take a look]

House: Who am I looking at?

Stacy: My husband.

House: Who is suffering from abdominal pain and fainting spells. No sign of tumours, no vasculitis. Could be indigestion, or maybe a kidney stone. A little one, can pack a lot of wallop.

Stacy: Did you think I wasn't going to get married?

House: Not to someone so poorly endowed. This guy's pancreas is pathetic.

[House walks off, Stacy follows]

Stacy: There is no kidney stone, no indigestion. Three hospitals, five doctors, not one of them found anything.

House: Well, maybe there's nothing to be found.

Stacy: Right, you suddenly trust doctors, love puppies and long walks in the rain.

House: The walks are out.

[Stacy grabs his arm]

Stacy: I was around you long enough to know when something's not right. Mark's had personality changes, he's acting strange, disconnected...

House: Interesting. It means there's either a neurological component or he's having an affair.

Stacy: No affair, no nothing! He's sick! I know you're not too busy, you avoid work like like the plague. Unless it actually is the plague. I'm asking you a favour.

House: I'm not too busy, but I'm not sure I want him to live. It's good seeing you again.

[House leaves, Stacy is holding back tears]

*lecture hall*

[House is sitting on the stage doing nothing. There are maybe 20 people in the room, waiting for him to speak]

House: Three guys walk into a clinic. Their legs hurt. What's wrong with them?

[Student raises his hand, let's call him Keen]

House: I'm not going to like you, am I?

Keen: Most likely cause of let pain is muscle strain. Apply heat and rest affected areas.

House: Statistically, you're right. Very good. My experience: over half a leg pain in musculoskeletal, generally from excessive exercise. Twelve percent is varicose veins brought on by pregnancy, and most of the rest is the result of vehicular accidents. I said three people. That's six legs, so, you've got three hurt jogging, two in collisions, and one of the legs is pregnant.

[Some students chuckle. Another one let's call her the caring one pipes up]

Caring: What were they doing when the pain presented?

House: I have no idea.

[Third student- rebellious one]

Rebellious: You didn't ask? You didn't take a history?

House: Of course, but all that told us was what they said happened. Person A, farmer, says he was fixing a fence. Tightness of the ankle, loss of muscle control.

[Farmer groans and collapses]

Person B, volleyball player.

[Middle aged man playing on a girls volleyball team. He dives for the ball and falls on the ground, clutching his leg]

Coach figured it was a pulled muscle. And c we've got Carmen Electra. Golfing.

[Her ball makes it into the hole "Yes!" She says]

Keen: Whoa, you treated the Baywatch chick?

House: The Baywatch thespian. And no, I've gotta disguise the identity of each of the patients and I got tired of using middle aged men. Carmen seemed like a pleasant alternative. Also, she's apparently quite the golfer.

[House stands up]

Now, I'm less than two hours, one of three will be tossed out of the hospital because they were faking it to score narcotics, and one will be very close to death. Any idea on which one is which?

[Silence]

Okay, I say we start with the farmer.

[Farmer is lying on the bed, looking very much...like a farmer. Straw in his mouth and everything. House is questioning him]

House: Did you hike to the fence, and how far?

Farmer: Yes, It's about half a mile from my farmhouse.

House: And where's the pain localized?

Farmer: It started just above my ankle and it's radiating up.

House: So, what do we do first?

[House turns, Keen in standing right next to him]

[Redfeather]

^You should probably post this in the Creative Cats forum since here anyone can post stuff without needing an account.

[Hazelstar]

Okay, lol.

[Shumpu]

Spoiler:

[Hazelstar]

Spoiler:

Ty Tigerstar

[Shumpu]

Spoiler:

[Hazelstar]

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Ty

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